Pastors' Spouses' Retreat

By Lis Van Harten

(First appeared in the January 2006 issue of Ministry Reports to Classes and Councils)

When thinking about what sustains pastoral excellence things such as continuing education, collegial interaction, prayer, congregational support, spiritual refreshment, sabbaticals, and mentoring come to mind. Since the Sustaining Pastoral Excellence (SPE) Project began in 2003, another significant sustainer of pastoral excellence has been recognized – the pastor’s spouse.

The pastor’s spouse plays a key role in the pastor’s life and ministry. Quite often the spouse is the person behind the scenes who’s encouraging, supporting, listening, and praying for the pastor in a way that no other person can. The spouse can be a sounding board for the pastor’s ideas and after a troubling ministry experience, can help pick up the pieces and encourage the pastor to carry on.

The spouse is required to deal with things in a unique way. When the pastor comes home from a difficult council meeting and unloads some of the burden, the spouse has nowhere to go with the information, emotion, and frustration that frequently accompanies this. The spouse has to make careful decisions about friendships and confidentiality within her/his congregation.

Pastors’ spouses face many challenges because of their role. They’re expected to have perfectly behaved children and a clean house at all times. Sunday after Sunday they sit in the pew without their spouse. It’s assumed that they’ll be very involved in the life of the church regardless of their gifts and talents. Family life can be very challenging since the pastor works every Sunday, which is typically family day, and is gone many evenings.  Everyone in the congregation seems to constantly watch the pastor’s family causing them to live life in a fish bowl.

If the pastor’s spouse is going to sustain the pastor, someone needs to sustain the spouse. The SPE Project is looking into doing just that. A task force was recently formed to identify the best ways to support and sustain pastors’ spouses. Exciting ideas are being discussed. For more information contact SPE at 877.279.9994 X0805 (toll free) or by email pastoralexcellence@crcna.org