A Guide for Ministry Leaders, Parents, and Caregivers

While each person’s spiritual journey is unique, there are common patterns. This helpful content explores how children and teens of different ages experience God and grow in faith. It’s great for youth workers, pastors, teachers, and parents.

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For support with developing the children’s , teen's or emerging adult's ministry in your congregation, contact Thrive ([email protected]) or your local Classis Youth Ministry Champion. For more resources on youth ministry, check out our Suggested Resources page.

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Spiritual Characteristics of Children

The spiritually developing child has a gift to offer the local church, calling all of us—both young and old—into a deeper life with God and one another.

While predominantly unvoiced, a child’s spiritual development is a wonder to behold, manifesting itself in uniquely childlike ways. What might look like childish play is serious spiritual work for a child and often can be overlooked or undervalued by adults.

It is important to remember that a child’s spiritual development and cognitive development are different. We must be careful not to replace knowing God with knowing about God. Additionally, the environment children grow up in (both home and church) plays a critical role in shaping their understanding of God, God’s people, and themselves.

The following statements provide a framework for understanding children’s spiritual development:

  • Children have a growing perception of who God is.
  • Children are able to authentically express their faith in a variety of ways.
  • Children are developing morally and spiritually, and these types of development are distinctly different.
  • Children are developing holistically; their spiritual development includes all of them—their bodies, their minds, and their relationships, both personal and communal.
  • Children are able to learn and make meaning of their faith in a variety of age-appropriate ways.
  • Children are an important part of the faith community and can contribute to its spiritual life.

While each child’s spiritual developmental path is unique, there are common patterns. Being aware of these patterns can equip congregational leaders, parents, and caregivers to help children come to know and love God.

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child and adult hands

Typically these ages:

  • develop an early understanding of God based on their relationships and experiences with caregivers.
  • start to copy actions like folding hands, receiving and giving blessings, enjoy being present among God’s people, and may repeat or sign “amen” during prayers. Imitation is an important step in developing an authentic expression of faith.
  • are beginning to understand their own needs and to respect boundaries and follow directions. Young children need safety and secure attachment with loving adults as they explore the world around them and begin to discover their agency.
  • are learning to express emotions, including appropriate responses such as joy, love, and sadness from the expressions of those around them. Young children learn to receive love and to give love back through loving and caring relationships.
  • typically begin to develop language skills, including a language about life with God.
  • provide the faith community with a picture of what it means to be loved by and dependent on God.

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Typically, these ages:

  • have a growing sense that God is very special and real, and readily accept what you say about God. With little effort, young children are able to believe in things they can’t see. Parents, caregivers, and children's ministry leaders have a great opportunity and responsibility to provide a genuine picture of God to children. 
  • sense that God loves and cares for them and that they can love and trust God. 
  • tend to have a literal concept of God, perhaps as a grandparent figure.
  • can recite simple prayers and may add their own contributions to prayers.
  • generally do the “right thing” out of fear of punishment or to win approval. Parents and caregivers can affirm that a child’s belovedness and identity in Christ is not based on their behavior.
  • sense that church is a good place to be. Preschoolers can express love and enjoy being part of God’s people and form understandings about the world, the church, and expected behaviors through observation and mimicking of the people in their communities. 
  • learn primarily through play. Playing church is a significant way for them to explore and try out what they are experiencing and trying to understand.
  • approach Scripture with awe and wonder. They enjoy frequent repetition of Bible stories because they are continually exploring and discovering new connections.

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Typically, these ages:

Small children sitting at a school table
  • can have a very real spiritual nature and a strong sense of who God is, and they may relate to Jesus as their friend.
  • can express their love for Jesus in words and actions.
  • understand God’s love and our response within the context of everyday experiences. By and large, they are still concrete thinkers.
  • are aware of right and wrong, and begin to experience guilt and understand forgiveness. As children experience the world and learn what is right and wrong, caregivers can help them learn appropriate responses in ways that align with biblical values. 
  • need to experience safety and secure attachment to develop resilience that will serve them as they navigate life in a broken world. They look to the community and the context around them for cues on how to act and respond in various spaces.
  • are developing socially and learning to build friendships at school, in their neighborhoods, at church, and possibly online. 
  • can be delighted and awed by Bible stories and often use their imagination to ask questions and wonder, which is essential to a child's understanding of the world and their own spiritual identity. 
  • often reenact Bible stories through play as a way to make meaning of what they are learning.

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Typically, these ages:

  • often express opinions and feelings about God and church and ask many “why” and “how” questions. Their curiosity is an important part of their spiritual development and a place where they can meet God. 
  • are usually capable of understanding basic salvation concepts and of making a commitment to Jesus, but may do so simply out of a desire to please adults.
  • often include prayer in their daily routines. Their prayers are frequently self-centered but are sincere and offered in faith. 
  • are capable of developing preferences around Bible reading and other personal faith practices. 
  • often still see issues in black and white but are beginning to understand fairness and to consider another’s needs and circumstances. 
  • experience belonging to the faith community through intergenerational relationships and their ability to make authentic contributions from their gifts and abilities. They enjoy expressing themselves and using their knowledge and creativity to demonstrate their learning. 
  • are developing an increased awareness of the larger world around them through exposure to technology and an increased social network. 
  • have gifts to contribute to the faith community. Church leaders must cast vision for an environment where participants of all ages contribute.

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Typically, these ages:

Children playing in water
  • are more inclined to look inward than are younger children and may ask questions and wonder about making a commitment to Christ. 
  • desire to be taken seriously and may ask where their place is within the faith community and the larger faith story. 
  • make connections between what they are learning in school, life experiences, observations, media, culture, and what they are learning in the church.
  • are becoming more independent from families and need opportunities to express their personal spiritual understandings. 
  • are forming understandings and beliefs about technology and social networks based on their experiences.
  • are forming stronger and more complex relationships with peers and may experience bullying and peer pressure.
  • are developing a conscience: a personal sense of right and wrong that often expresses itself in judgments of what’s unfair or unjust. When nurtured appropriately, it can lead to a Micah 6:8 vision—acting justly, loving mercy, and walking humbly with God, thereby striving for a life guided by integrity, compassion, and humility.
  • show genuine curiosity toward others and are open to learning about other cultures. 
  • may show an increasing concern for people who are hungry, unhoused, or poor. 
  • may be able to deal with moral questions in terms of motives and consequences, love, loyalty, promises, and so on.
  • understand why we pray and are often able to make up spontaneous prayers.
  • desire to lead younger children but also want to hang out with the older kids and be mentored by them. 
  • desire authenticity as well as the opportunity to contribute meaningfully to the life of the church and be developed as leaders. They love to be taken seriously and will rise to meet high expectations. 
  • are capable of discerning God’s will and following it. Caring adults can help children begin to recognize and respond to God in the circumstances of their lives.

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Spiritual Characteristics of Teens

Young teenagers embracing on a wooded trail

Anyone who parents teens or works with them knows that they are a diverse group whose spiritual growth varies widely. Research from the Fuller Youth Institute (Growing Young, Three Big Questions) points out that there are three main questions teens of all ages ask:

  • Who am I? (This is an identity question.)
  • Where do I fit? (This is a belonging question.)
  • What difference do I make? (This is a purpose question.)

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Typically, these ages:

Young teenager with backpack in front of school
  • resonate with the truth that God knows and cares for them personally as individuals. 
  • are able to commit themselves to Christ and to a life of Christian gratitude and service. Public profession of faith is a very real possibility at this age.
  • are idealists, quick to point out faults and failures at home and in the world, quick to spot injustices, and eager to become involved in worthy causes. They can be unaware how this idealism applies to their own behavior.
  • are beginning to be curious about others’ perspectives, and so become very interested in what others think of them. This interest may manifest itself as self-absorption.
  • spend an increasing amount of time online, especially on social media apps, smart phones, online video games, and streaming platforms. Some benefits of greater connections and stronger communities are possible, but negatives can include withdrawal from in-person relationships, addictive behaviors, online bullying, pornography usage, and at times a debilitating fear of missing out if online time is limited or taken away.
  • experience community both in person and online. (Online interaction includes social media, gaming, and other platforms.) They may feel closer to the people they interact with online than the people they see every day in person. They may also be one kind of person in real life and a completely different person online. That said, when students experience a length of time without online connections or cell phones, they often report a deeper sense of connection to people in person and appreciate the break from technology.
  • are developing their own beliefs and values in the context of peers, school, media, and church, but are very concerned about conforming to the group or culture.
  • need to know they’re important to God and to the church right now, not just when they get older. It’s important to provide opportunities for them to serve and use their gifts in your congregation.
  • often admire and imitate adult faith models as a way of establishing their own identity. Intergenerational faith connections are important and connect them to the larger faith community in meaningful ways that aid the process of belonging.
  • may be struggling with doubts and questions about their faith, feelings that often intensify in older adolescence. Their faith still likely reflects the faith of their parents, but they have begun to make it more personal. This personal exploration can often lead to raising questions around issues of justice or race, and how their faith intersects or diverges from those issues.

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Typically, these ages:

  • are forming their own faith identities, independent from their parents' influence.

  • are interested in deeper theological discussions and may question traditional structures.

  • crave authenticity within the church community and appreciate opportunities for leadership and service.

  • Social media plays a significant role in their lives, and they may grapple with shame, anxiety, and existential questions.

  • As their compassion for the world grows, they seek ways to act on their faith through service and advocacy.

The church can better connect with older teens by creating a welcoming and inclusive environment. Encouraging open dialogue, providing leadership opportunities, and offering meaningful service projects can foster their spiritual growth.

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Young adults high-fiving

Spiritual Characteristics of Young Adults

The ages of 18-30 are often misunderstood as a time of linear trajectory in which young people are expected (by parents, grandparents, friends, teachers, pastors, etc.) to mark personal and spiritual milestones as they become adults. This age stage has been referred to as “emerging adulthood” (Jeffery Arnett and later the Fuller Youth Institute). Life here is seen as a myriad of transitions where making choices and decisions is often more complicated than in past generations. Churches and leadership within congregations have not always made the adjustments necessary to walk with young people as they journey through the complexities of life.

Churches can better connect with young adults by recognizing these transitions and adapting their ministries accordingly. It's crucial to avoid comparisons to past generations and instead create new approaches that address the unique realities of this age group. Mentorship programs, which allow for personalized guidance and support, can be particularly valuable in helping young adults navigate these complex transitions and find their place in the world.

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For Young Adults, the following observations and characteristics typically apply:

  • We are seeing an “extending of adolescence” as a life stage. Not only has it started earlier, but it has also lasted longer.
  • Young adults are navigating a world where the traditional pathway to adulthood is less desirable and possible. While in past decades they would follow a predictable (and often wrongly assumed) path of graduating highschool, attending college, getting a job, getting married, buying a house, and starting a family, today there is no longer a typical path or timeline for achieving these markers toward adulthood. Instead, gap or bridge years, traveling, living with roommates, cohabitating, internships, or living back at home with parents again have become the new normal.
  • This reality makes it confusing for parents and other loved ones as they try to relate to a generation that is very different from their own. Additionally, it means historical models of ministry (life stage ministry silos) won’t connect well with this generation.

They are navigating key developmental transitions (identified by the Fuller Youth Institute). These transitions are as follows:
* Self-identifying – Harmonizing internal and external selves. “I’m figuring out who I becoming, in all its complexities.”
* Relating – Negotiating relationships. “I’m learning who I can trust in light of my past, present, and future relationships."
* Contributing – Making contributions in the world. “I’m discovering what I can contribute for the betterment of myself and others.”
* Taking Responsibility – Taking agency for oneself. “I’m figuring out how to bear more the weight and direction of my life and relationships.”
* Self-caring – Physical and mental health. “I’m learning to care for myself now that my well-being is up to me.”
* Acclimating – Adjusting to new work and living environments. “I’m putting down shallow roots and trying to thrive where I am.”
* Meaning Making – Connecting with spirituality and community. “I’m seeking to make sense of my life and to connect my spirituality with my community.”

Churches that can identify these transitions in their young adults will find more meaningful connections, and young adults who find a church that can relate to them in this new reality will find stronger community and connections.

  • They get frustrated and feel judged when we say, “When I was your age . . . .” This can at times be set up as an unreal expectation. Things are not the same as they were even one generation ago in terms of expectations, technology, life goals, or hoped-for realities. Churches need to avoid the idea that programs or ministries that worked a generation ago will still work in the same ways. New approaches and ministries need to be created for a new generation.
  • They appreciate and are willing to be mentored. This allows for a personal relationship that enables the mentee to walk through the realities of their own life, which might not be the same as the realities of other peers. It also allows for individual and tailored responses from a mentor who knows the individual and the situation of their life and can speak into it in a very personal and real way from their own experience and shared connection. (Generation Spark is a mentorship model that assists churches in developing mentorship and intergenerational relationships for teens and young adults.)

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For support with developing the children’s , teen's or emerging adult's ministry in your congregation, contact Thrive ([email protected]) or your local Classis Youth Ministry Champion. For more resources on youth ministry, check out our Suggested Resources page.

We are grateful for the contributions of Dr. Mimi Larson, and Lindsey Goetz, and the classis youth ministry champions (summarized by Dr. Bret Lamsma) on this resource.