Helping to Heal Church Conflict

One Christian Reformed Church (CRC) congregation in Ontario is taking part in a pilot program to see if using "restorative practices" will make a difference in the functioning of the church and, especially, in the lives of church members.

So far, it seems the church is making changes in solving difficulties that the churches – as do all churches – have to confront, said Mark Vander Vennen, executive director of the Shalem Mental Health Network, which developed FaithCARE, a program that seeks to help churches transform conflict and become restorative communities.

Discussions are underway to include another church in the pilot program.

“One of the mysteries of our faith is that some of the most difficult, painful and damaging conflicts between people take place in church settings,” said Vander Vennen, who helped to lead a workshop on restorative practices last week for leaders and members of CRC denominational ministries that work in different ways with congregations facing difficult issues or conflicts.

"Likely almost all of us know of congregation-based disputes that have left people hurt and embittered — perhaps even questioning the faith itself," said Vander Vennen. "This process encourages everyone to have a voice, such as when a church is calling a new pastor."

The workshop took place in the Grand Rapids, Mich., office of the CRC. John Lamsma, restorative justice representative for the CRC in the U.S., and John de Vries, Jr., restorative justice representative for the CRC in Canada, also participated.

While Restorative Justice often deals mainly with bringing about restoration in a criminal justice setting, especially in jails or prisons, restorative practices use the same approach to help in churches and ministries.

"We want to expose some of the agencies and ministries to restorative practices," said Lamsma. "If there is exposure, we’d like to get them to adopt some of the practices … This is a different decision-making and a different resolution-to-conflict process. It engages everyone explicitly."

In the workshop, they explored the biblical roots of restorative practices and discussed ways of using this practice in the particular context of ministry.

"Restorative practice is not necessarily a 'toolbox' or a series of techniques, but provides a framework for doing healthy relationship-building in congregations and communities," said Vander Vennen.

Some people say that they are concerned that this is a "soft touch" approach to problem solving, since it seems to let someone who has caused conflict to go unpunished.

But it is based more on steering clear of blame and judgment, valuing forgiveness, and asking participants to take on more personal accountability instead of being confrontational when addressing issues.

As a result, using restorative practices is actually more difficult, since this is a way of approaching problem-solving by each participant taking a hard look at his or her role in a situation and honestly expressing it. It also takes patience and a willingness for the process to unfold.

"The restorative process is not a quick fix. It can be draining and demanding, but it can improve relationships," said Lamsma.

In simple decision making, it means creating an atmosphere in which everyone’s opinions and thoughts are heard and considered. Coming to a decision involves, as much as possible, everyone in the community.

In more difficult situations in which conflict has arisen and someone has been hurt or harmed, the process especially involves accountability. The person who was the source of the harm is asked to take responsibility for his or her actions. The person who was harmed is given the chance to speak about how they were harmed.  

Then, the person who did the harm is asked how he or she — with the help of the church, ministry or community — can start to heal the hurt.

"This is a process by which harm is repaired," said de Vries. "In a church, moral injury often happens. People are not acting according to the image God has given them."

The process takes the "why" out of a difficult situation and focuses instead on what happened and what needs to happen to make things better.

According to a hand-out distributed at the workshop in Grand Rapids, this process might assist the denomination to find different ways to have tough conversations over such issues in the as creation care climate change or adoption of the Belhar Confession, a document that focuses on racism and healing the hurts of the past.

Or, it could mean using this approach in "bringing compassionate justice to those who abuse others," or developing creative means of conversation that can "support and foster healing" in "times of congregational upset" when "members experience the pain of fractured relationships."

"We are simply trying to create a greater denominational awareness that this is a valuable process. It can lead to transformation as we work together," said Lamsma.