My Prayer and His Answer

Written by Jim Halstead, this is the fifth in a series of stories about ways in which prayer has touched people’s lives. The stories will run between now and the CRC Prayer Summit 2015 set for April 13-15 at All Nations CRC in Los Angeles, Calif.

If you have a story about prayer that you would like to share, please send it to Chris Meehan at [email protected]. Any questions, call 1-616-224-0849.

I call my beautiful wife, Kristi, the delight of my eyes. We have always had a strong marriage and have been blessed with three healthy children.

But in June 2003, three or four months after Kristi's eyesight had progressively and noticeably weakened, an ophthalmologist suggested she needed more than a new eyeglass prescription. He told us she had a brain tumor.

We did not immediately accept the grim news, but after a local brain surgeon made his diagnosis, we asked what he could do to repair the problem.

The way I look at life is that if there is a problem, we can fix it. But we did not like his method of repair. He told Kristi that the procedure would be to open her skull, move her brain, and remove about 50 percent of her tumor, then follow up with radiation.

Even then, she could suffer brain damage and might not regain her sight. The tumor was benign, but it was growing. We did not want to accept that suggestion, so we consulted two other experts who told us the same thing.

Unhappy with the information, I felt that I, as a pastor, had to take some action because the option we had been given by three highly-respected specialists was not what we wanted to accept.

At our church, I arranged a healing service for Kristi and began a week of fasting and praying to prepare for the anointing. I had high expectations for the service; however, it was poorly attended and I felt no sense of God's presence.

Nevertheless, I anointed Kristi.

I had expected God to do a great work. I saw nothing to indicate that he had done it. I was disheartened.

I had spent a week fasting, feeling God beside me, feeling certain this would culminate in a healing from the hand of God, but I could not see or feel his presence during the healing service. I felt let down and abandoned. The excitement I felt during the week while I fasted turned to anger.

Later in the day, I expressed my anger with God to Kristi. I told her I had thought God was with me. I had fasted and prayed and anointed her. What more could I have done? I had done my part to heal my wife, but God's presence was missing at the healing service.

After I unloaded my disappointment on her, I asked Kristi how the service had gone for her. She looked me in the eye and said, "All I know is that no one would have done for me what you have done."

I took solace in the fact that, even though God did not meet the needs I wanted, he did help me to meet those of my wife. Still, I could only wonder after all my hours of prayer, "Where was God's answer?"

And then it came. Kristi's sister, Amy, a registered nurse, found a doctor through online research who had invented a non-invasive procedure that removed the tumor entirely, cut through the eyebrow, did not move the brain and did not require radiation follow-up.

We contacted Dr. Hrayr Shahinian, director of the Skull Base Institute in Los Angeles. We made an appointment for Dec. 28. On Christmas Day, we said goodbye to our three children, then ages 15, 8 and 6, unsure what was going to happen, and flew to L.A.

We felt a sense of peace when we met the doctor. He was personable and confident. He told us to be calm and said to Kristi: "I think your eyesight will be restored to what it was before you started having eye problems. Bring your glasses to surgery so we can test afterward."

He also told her: "I will do my best to keep the pituitary stem. There is only 30 percent chance of loss and if function is lost, medicine will correct the problem."

Kristi's surgery lasted from 5:30 a.m. to 3 p.m. Afterward, Kristi put on her glasses. Dr. Shahinian told us he had removed 99.9 percent of the tumor.

While Kristi recovered, I took walks to give her the quiet she needed. One day I was walking down Via Rodeo, marveling at the opulence and wealth around me. The Lord brought to mind the song "The Via Dolorosa" ("The Way of Suffering").

I began to sing the song to myself when God clearly asked me if I would choose to serve riches or if I would take the way of suffering. The Holy Spirit took over my being and my reply was that I would follow and serve him wholly, even if it meant traveling a way of suffering.

If I had not felt God's presence at Kristi's anointing, I felt it with my heart, soul and spirit on Via Rodeo. It then became clear. God did not answer my prayers on my terms, in my time frame, or in a way I could immediately understand. But he answered them clearly and gloriously.

I sang praises aloud without fear, as I walked past the shops on Via Rodeo. God had healed Kristi, the delight of my eyes, and opened my eyes to the way of suffering. He had answered my prayer in the holiest and most appropriate ways: His way (Isaiah 55:8-9).

Jim Halstead is pastor of Community Christian Reformed Church in Fort Wayne, Ind.