Retreat Encourages Pastors to Respectfully Disagree

On May 15-16 a group of 12 people gathered at the CRC Conference Grounds in Grand Haven, Mich.,for a discernment retreat. The retreat, modeled after the Next Steps Discernment process, helped the group pray, worship, fellowship, and engage (respectfully) with each other around topics related to Synod 2022’s decisions about the Human Sexuality Report (HSR).

The group was intentionally designed to include people with a range of views on the HSR,  who also share a common love for the Lord and a willingness to engage graciously and truthfully with participants with whom they might disagree. The goal was to see if respectful engagement could help each participant identify and articulate areas of common practice, grave concern, and sincere questions in a way that helped them feel heard and respected.

“On three occasions during the retreat, participants met in facilitated small groups,” said Sean Baker, a key designer of the Next Steps process and the host of the retreat. “Each time the small group met, they focused on listening to each other give feedback on a different scenario that a church might decide to take as a next step.”

In the invitation to the event, Baker noted that each participant was likely to appreciate one or two scenarios, while having serious concerns about others.

“We hope that you all might be willing, first of all, not to convince each other but, rather,to help each other notice one another’s blind spots, while also clarifying what’s at stake and why this matters from your perspective and understanding of Scripture, theology, and pastoral care,” he explained.

“In our typical assemblies delegates often leave feeling that they weren’t really heard or that the core issues weren’t really addressed,” he added. “This retreat aims to be different by focusing on respectful but honest feedback. We may not all agree, but perhaps we can all leave a little bit wiser, even if we yet steadfastly disagree.”

While participants came to the event with varying degrees of skepticism and sensitivity, all indicated in a survey afterward that the retreat was worth their time.

“How we have these conversations is important. The fruit of the Spirit is never optional. It’s okay to disagree, even strongly, but we still have to treat each other as brothers and sisters even if it turns out we cannot minister together in the same denomination.” said Rev. Stephen Terpstra, pastor of Borculo CRC.

“I think many would picture that when a pastor from Classis Grand Rapids East and a pastor from Classis Zeeland would get together to talk about these issues, it would just be one big argument. But no. We were honest, and we disagreed in some places, but we did so with respect and love,” said Rev. Rebecca Jordan Heys, pastor of Calvin CRC.

“I think this group proved that it is possible to have a grace-and-truth conversation that gets deep into the issues, but avoids attributing motives or resorting to ad hominem attacks,” said Baker. 

In the survey conducted after the event, all participants agreed that they “were able to talk about substantial issues directly and truthfully.” They also said they appreciated that when they talked about differences, they did so respectfully and graciously, and that the way they conducted themselves honored God.

“Most participants agreed that by engaging this process they were able to clarify their own thinking about what's at stake and why these issues matter,” said Baker, “They also reported being able to better understand what's at stake and why these issues matter to people with whom they disagree.”

“I leave this retreat with a realism about the potential for division. But that realism need not preclude meaningful exchanges that cultivate wisdom. Iron can sharpen iron,” concluded Rev. Darrin Compagner, pastor of Shawnee Park CRC.

“For a couple of days, pastors, who are seeking faithful and fruitful ways to navigate the complex matters of gender, sexuality, and marriage were ‘quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry [James 1:19].’”

Participants said they felt that others with whom they disagreed took their concerns seriously and tried to understand why they believe as they do. They also reported growing in affection for and appreciation of one another.

“I have a sense of gratitude for the time, resources, and wisdom put into gathering this group,” said Compagner about the experience. “May all of you ‘peacemakers who sow in peace reap a harvest of righteousness [James 3:18].’"

“Perhaps the most notable outcome of this experience has been that all who participated in the survey see value in maintaining some kind of relationship with persons with whom they disagree, even if they are unsure whether their differences are too substantial to remain together in the same church or denomination,” said Baker.

Most participants also said they would recommend or even strongly recommend a retreat like this to other churches, classes, or regions facing potentially intractable differences. To learn more about the process, sign up for training, ask questions and more, please visit crcna.org/NextSteps.